Me too!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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