I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
