and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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