i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
