wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
