whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
