I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you win again, gameday.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
