if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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