I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
