my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
