I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
