glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
