i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
