Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
