somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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