That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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