No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
