I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
