bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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