can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
