Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
