dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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