We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
its liver damage thursday
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize