they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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