yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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