I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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