In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
