I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
