I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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