I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
