I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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