it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
