There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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