WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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