oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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