My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
