I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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