please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
