he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
