I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
