and she was petting her beer can
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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