In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
