i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
