I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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