I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
