you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
