By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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