yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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