Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
