Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
