Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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