i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
