she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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