My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
