she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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