She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
