I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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