If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize