don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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