Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
