no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
