i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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