If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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