So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
