I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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