Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
