only you would photoshop your dick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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