So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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