Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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