Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
