I just threw up on my dentist
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Your penis caused this!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
