my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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