The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So. Much. Porn.
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