I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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