you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
