It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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