I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
