Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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