I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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