ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
