If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
