Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Did I show you my penis last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
