made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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