when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
