She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
