she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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