After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
