a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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