I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
