If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
