its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
