before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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