haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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