3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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