Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
