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SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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