I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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