He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
someone owes me an orgasm
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
