i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize