So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
